Motivation

Like so many men out there, I tried everything to make my mother happy and, of course, I failed. Unconsciously, I tried to replace my father but I would have needed guidance and support myself. This was profoundly confusing for me as a young boy. 
My family, my home, broke apart when I was a child. I felt responsible for keeping things together, although I was the youngest. 

My family, my home, broke apart when I was a child. I felt responsible for keeping things together, although I was the youngest. 
Like so many men out there, I tried everything to make my mother happy and, of course, I failed. Unconsciously, I tried to replace my father but I would have needed guidance and support myself. This was profoundly confusing for me as a young boy. 

I have adopted the tendency to keep up a facade, a “happy face” no matter how difficult or painful times were. I learned to avoid my emotions and find solace in doing, traveling, partying, achieving. But never showing how I really felt. This can tear you apart internally.

How hard it was for me to break free from how I thought I should be in order to be accepted, validated and loved.

When two of my best friends, brothers for more than 20 years, each died of cancer, coincidentally within the very same week, I couldn’t keep it up anymore. I feel into a very deep dark hole of long suppressed sadness and pain - and found myself suicidal.